Watchmen (2009)

Who watches the Watchmen? I’m not sure, but I know you shouldn’t.

Although my wife teased me about it, I wanted to read the film’s original source that landed on Time’s All Time 100 Novels list. True devotees of the graphic novel should be enamored by the fact that the movie is a very, very true representation of the film. Unfortunately, the comic book dialogue and staging did not translate to the screen at all.

The film is set in a reimagined world where Nixon is serving his third term and America has won the Vietnam War. With America on the brink of nuclear war with Russia, a now banned group of superheroes, The Watchmen, come together once again after one of their own has violently been murdered.

I’ll get the compliment out of the way… Zack Synder knows how to appeal to the visual senses. Watchmen is a beautiful film to look at, but it’s too bad that Synder is way too in love with his style. Everything moves in slow motion… the dialogue, the action, the transitions, the story… to a point that the run time of 2 hours and 40 minutes feels like 3 hours and 40 minutes.

Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach brings the only redeemable acting to the film, but the rest do a terrible job, especially Patrick Wilson and Malin Akerman (who I call the second coming of Cameron Diaz). I feel sorry for anybody who hasn’t read the source material, because I can’t imagine going into this film without any background on the story line. Synder completely forgets to intertwine the themes that made the graphic novel so adored.

I sat there feeling sorry for the people who watched this who weren’t “fan boys.” I myself felt lost and just not caring about anybody, so I really don’t see how anyone else could. Watchmen is a sloppy film that drags on just to showcase how innovative Synder can be with his camera.

I give it 2 out of 5 doomsday clocks.